Bright Sadness

Some years ago I found out that in the Netherlands this day is known as 'Silent Saturday' which, to me, feels like a far more apt name than Holy Saturday.

I was going to say that this day is like a 'pregnant pause' before the joy of Easter. To us it is, but to those first disciples it would have been a day of total numbness and devastation.

Sometimes in our lives we experience this kind of despair, when all hope seems to be lost. For some this can last a lot longer than just one day. Every Easter we journey through the 'Why?' of Good Friday, the emptiness of Holy Saturday and then of course, through to the joy of Easter Sunday.

Our lives often have this pattern. Something happens to us and we ask why, we rail against God and wonder why he has 'forsaken us'. Then we have times when it seems that God is utterly silent, not there even. But for us Christians, our journeys never end on the Saturday, they always end on the Sunday. 

We don't have a special service for Holy Saturday (we have an Easter Vigil but that's focusing on Easter, not on the sealed tomb). I think it's because, sometimes, there is nothing to say, no words to express the emptiness and pain of grief. I think the Church recognises that. We can't talk our way out of it. Sometimes life is that painful. It's as if, on Holy Saturday, that the Church behaves like the friends of Job at the beginning of the book:

Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads towards heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great. - Job 2:11-13

"No one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great".

There are no words for Holy Saturday. It's a Silent Saturday.

But if you are experiencing your own silence of grief and devastation in your life at the moment - remember that Sunday always follows. Easter always follows. God hasn't forsaken us but has come to save us in Jesus Christ.

Sealing the tomb

Image from here

Read what some of my friends have written about Holy Saturday:

Sister Catherine or @digitalnun: http://www.ibenedictines.org/2012/04/07/holy-saturday-a-day-out-of-time/

Muriel Sowden on @bigbible: http://bigbible.org.uk/2012/04/holy-saturday-between-loss-and-hope-bigread12-digidisciple-fragranceofgod

James Prescott: http://jamesprescott.co.uk/blog/2012/04/07/the-passion-3-easter-saturday-what-now/

Rolf Mason: http://thefamouswolf.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/grief-or-gladness-dilemma-of-easter.html

Here is a wonderful video prayer for Holy Saturday from the 24-7 Prayer Network:

This year I have organised a number of people to contribute to a series of meditations on the Passion of Christ using the traditional Stations of the Cross but presenting them using new media.

You can view all the meditations by clicking on the links below.

Stations of the Cross

Journey with Jesus and the disciples this Good Friday through the Passion of Christ and meditate on that holy day what the cross means.

Each of these ‘stations’ will be links to a meditation on a different part of the journey, click on these to take part on Good Friday:

1. Jesus is condemned to death – presented by James Prescott

2. Jesus takes up the cross – presented by Claire Gray

3. Jesus stumbles the first time - presented by Bryony Taylor

4. Jesus encounters His mother - presented by Bryony Taylor

5. Simon of Cyrene is forced to carry Jesus’ cross - presented by Bex Lewis

6. Veronica wipes Jesus’ face with a cloth – presented by Nick Morgan

7. Jesus stumbles the second time - presented by Bryony Taylor

8. Jesus speaks with the women of Jerusalem – presented by Bryony Taylor

9. Jesus falls a third time - presented by Bryony Taylor

10. The soldiers strip Jesus for crucifixion - presented by Bryony Taylor

11. The soldiers crucify Jesus – presented by Robb and Ruth Sutherland

12. Jesus dies – presented by Kathryn Rose

13. Joseph of Arimathea Takes Jesus down from the Cross – presented by Zoe A

14. Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus Lay Jesus in the Tomb – presented by James Robinson

Mark 11:1-11 - The Triumphal Entry

Now when they drew near to Jerusalem, to Bethphage and Bethany, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two of his disciples and said to them, “Go into the village in front of you, and immediately as you enter it you will find a colt tied, on which no one has ever sat. Untie it and bring it. If anyone says to you, ‘Why are you doing this?’ say, ‘The Lord has need of it and will send it back here immediately.’”  And they went away and found a colt tied at a door outside in the street, and they untied it.  And some of those standing there said to them, “What are you doing, untying the colt?”  And they told them what Jesus had said, and they let them go.  And they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their cloaks on it, and he sat on it.  And many spread their cloaks on the road, and others spread leafy branches that they had cut from the fields.  And those who went before and those who followed were shouting, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!  Blessed is the coming kingdom ofour father David! Hosanna in the highest!”

And he entered Jerusalem and went into the temple. And when he had looked around at everything, as it was already late, he went out to Bethany with the twelve.

It's tempting when reading this story to move straight to the fun bit - when Jesus gets on the donkey and everyone starts praising him and singing hymns and putting their palm branches in His path. This time when I read it I reflected on the first six verses.

Jesus calls two of the disciples to him and gives them some very strange instructions. If someone gave me instructions like that, I would be full of questions and I'd be really reluctant to carry them out. I'm a real conformist. I hate breaking the rules. I'm hopeless when someone is playing a practical joke on someone and I'm in the room when it's playing out - I always want to warn the person who's about to be tricked! Jesus tells the disciples to go into a village, untie someone's donkey and lead it back to him. A modern equivalent would be for him to ask you to go to a nearby town and take someone's brand new bike they've just had delivered!

A theme running through Mark's gospel is the authority with which Jesus does things. The disciples seem fairly unquestioning in going to do this strange thing (although Mark may have left something out there! I wonder what their conversation on the way to the village was?) Jesus does give them something to hold onto, however - " If anyone says to you, ‘Why are you doing this?’ say, ‘The Lord has need of it and will send it back here immediately.’” They take Jesus' authority with them.

When God calls us his request of us can often sound ridiculous, impractical and sometimes even impossible but we have to trust in his authority, his care, his plan for us. God always gives us promises (of which there are hundreds in the Bible) to hold onto as we walk into his will, into the unknown.

There's a nice link between this passage from Mark and the previous chapter - the healing of Bartimaeus:

And throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. - Mark 10:50

Tom Wright writes of this:

The cloak...was the man's security. Shade in summer, warmth in winter, it functioned as the outer shell, like a small tent, in which the few possessions the man had could be kept in such relative security as a blind man could expect...

There may be many things, not just possessions, which function for us as the cloak functioned for the blind man. And when Jesus calls, the sign that we are ready to do business with him is that we fling it aside. 'It's time to shed the cloak'. 

- Lent for Everyone - Mark by Tom Wright p106f.

I never noticed before that it seems from the passage that the two disciples who go and get the colt are the same two who put their cloaks on it for Jesus to sit on. The disciples are putting their trust and security in Jesus. This is a rare occasion when they are completely following Him (of course the contrast is especially stark when it comes to Maundy Thursday and Good Friday).

What is my 'cloak', my security?

How can I let go of my cloak and let Jesus do what he wants with it?

What can I give to Jesus?

I've been in bed all week with a horrible cold virus.

I'm absolutely terrible at being ill. I'm a terrible hypochondriac - I always end up doing what my mum calls my 'dying swan act' at the slightest inconvenience to my normal life.

So this week I haven't got any profound thoughts (or just thoughts really!) to share on Mark's gospel!

In fact, most disturbing about my being ill is that my spiritual disciplines have gone right out of the window. I've barely prayed and I'm a day late on the Mark book I'm reading.

One would have thought that a week in bed would be a great opportunity to read the bible and pray and enjoy being at home. I'd like to say that's what I did but in fact what I've done this week is:

• Watch all 3 extended Lord of the Rings films (and realised that the Ring of Power is essentially a horcrux!)
• Read the Hunger Games trilogy
• Watched the first 5 episodes of Homeland on 4OD
• Watched too many episodes of 4 in a Bed 
• Watched 6 episodes of Seinfeld
• Started reading 'The Hardest thing to do' by Penelope Wilcock - which I think is shaking me out of this unspiritual fug
• Felt stupidly sorry for myself when all I've got is a cold
• Slept in the spare room
• Coughed my guts up and lost my voice
• I'm on my tenth packet of hand tissues

I'm coming out of the other side now - hence writing this. 

I've been humbled by the sympathy I've received from friends on Twitter and Facebook. I also realise how fortunate I am that I can take time off work and still get paid. I'm rather embarrassed that I've solicited a lot of these sympathetic comments directly - I guess in losing my voice and being stuck at home I've reached out to my virtual audience for comfort! I'm just sad that I did this far more readily than praying.

I feel like I've been like a churlish child with God this week, pretty much deciding to ignore Him because He's 'given me this cold'. How stupid. Interesting that last night, when I was at my wits' end with coughing, as soon as I prayed I managed to drift off to sleep...

Lesson learnt.

One of the readings in Mark's gospel this week as part of the Big Read I am taking part in is this very moving account from chapter 5:

And a great crowd followed him and thronged about him. And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’”  And he looked round to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her,“Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

Mark 5: 24-34 (ESV)

This bible passage to me is like a deep refreshing fresh water pool that I can dive into at any time.

There are so many depths to this story - even more when you consider that this encounter happened in the middle of Jesus' hasty walk through the crowds to the home of Jairus where a little girl is dying.

This encounter tells us a lot about Jesus and how He deals with us.

It tells us firstly that Jesus always has time for us. He's never too busy to stop and listen to what you have to say. He always spots those on the edges of the crowd (think of Zacchaeus hiding in his tree!) and those people he speaks to only have to make the slightest gesture to get his attention - in this case it's simply a touch of his robe. We can often think to ourselves that others are more worthy of Jesus' attention than us. In this story, one would usually put the little girl before the older woman in terms of who should be seen first. Jesus doesn't operate like that. It takes some real faith to even think Jesus might want to heal us, but just a tiny gesture is enough. 'Say the word and I shall be healed' (Matthew 8:8). A big part of becoming a Christian is recognising that God does think we're lovely enough, that we're worthy of his attention, that Jesus wants to heal us, He cares about us that much. So often we don't dare believe that that is true.

Secondly, what struck me as I read the passage this time was that something internal happens to both the woman and to Jesus. The woman feels in herself that the bleeding has stopped - she somehow knows that she's healed. Jesus feels in himself that power has gone out from him - an astonishing description. It seems like some kind of divine exchange has gone on. The woman has exchanged her pain for Christ's healing. Jesus always enters into our suffering - he is suffering with us when we suffer. He replaces our pain with his healing. 

Lastly, I noticed that Jesus says to the woman at the end 'be healed', not 'you are healed'. Although her illness seems to have stopped immediately, perhaps what Jesus is saying is 'the healing process has just begun'. Healing has to do with wholeness. That woman might have stopped bleeding, but the years of rejection, poverty and suffering would have taken its toll. If it had happened today, she would have been encouraged to see a counsellor to help her get over her poor image of herself (as unworthy and rejected) and begin life as a new person being brought back into public life.

This can happen as we become Christians. Christ heals us and forgives us our sins but our first encounter with Jesus is only the beginning: we all go on 'being healed'. Jesus says 'go in peace and be healed': keep on healing, keep on receiving from me. We're all unfinished! Christ continues his work in us:

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Phil 1:6 (ESV)

My friend Pam wrote a very moving post about this bible passage this week as well which I would encourage you to read: http://pamsperambulation.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/falling-over-the-pile/

Mark 4

The Story of the Scattered Seed

 ^1-2 He went back to teaching by the sea. A crowd built up to such a great size that he had to get into an offshore boat, using the boat as a pulpit as the people pushed to the water's edge. He taught by using stories, many stories.

 ^3-8"Listen. What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled among the weeds and nothing came of it. Some fell on good earth and came up with a flourish, producing a harvest exceeding his wildest dreams.

⁹"Are you listening to this? Really listening?"

(The Message translation)

I have to confess, I don't always 'hear' the challenge in many of Jesus' parables. Part of the reason is that many of the parables are now so familiar to me that they've lost their punch, but more likely I think I just like to hear the nice things Jesus said and assume the difficult stuff was for others to hear, not me. Reading the parable of the sower in Mark's gospel and then Tom Wright's reflections on it in our lent book, I heard a different message from the one I normally do today. Normally, I see this parable as a real encouragement for evangelists - that not all our efforts will be successful but that God still brings the harvest. There's nothing wrong with that interpretation but Tom Wright points out how challenging the story would have been to its original Jewish hearers. They were waiting for a new 'planting' of Israel, God's people back in the promised land from their many years in exile. Jesus tells them that the time has come for that but the sting in the tail is that not everyone will be a part of this new planting, there will be some that fall by the wayside and won't be included in the new Kingdom that's coming.

So this was new look at the parable for me and then I thought, well what does it mean for me? How can I have ears to hear what Jesus is saying to me today?

Lent is a good time to reflect on which habits, thought patterns and activities have started to put a wedge between us and God. Perhaps we can read the parable of the sower with this in mind. God is regularly sowing his Word into our lives, we receive his Word through scripture and the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

In what kind of state is the soil of my heart? Is it stony? Are there invaders who come and take the Word away? Is it well watered or parched?

For seed to grow, the land first needs to be ploughed. I recently saw the film War Horse in which there is a moving scene when the young boy ploughs a stony field with the thoroughbred horse his father has foolishly bought. It's a messy exhausting business but he manages it.

Has your Lenten fast or discipline started to pinch yet? This is all part of the ploughing necessary for the seed, the Word, to grow and produce thirty, sixty, a hundred times a yield.

Mark Chapter 1

I love Mark's gospel. It reads as if he's out of breath all the way through. It was written in a very basic form of Greek and is the earliest written of the four gospels. You can tell Greek isn't Mark's first language, it's simple and straightforward. Mark begins his gospel with the word beginning - or as Tom Wright translates it, 'the start'. I remember studying this chapter of Mark in Estonian some years ago. In the Estonian version, because of the way the language works, the first word of Mark's gospel is Jesus - the first verse reads like:

Jesus Christ, the son of God's good news, the beginning.

So we're not left in any doubt as to what and who this good news is - it's about the person of Jesus Christ!

Mark then jumps straight into talking about John the Baptist. Tom Wright in his book refers to how, rather than the idea of repentance being about introspection and looking back, that John's call is about the future, about preparation. It's tempting sometimes to see Ash Wednesday as a very sombre day, and in some respects it is. But John, and Mark in his gospel are creating a sense of expectation and excitement. I think the best portrayal of this message is to be found in the Chronicles of Narnia as Mr Beaver says 'Aslan is on the move' - this statement and the talk about this 'Aslan' at the beginning of the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe creates a sense of excitement in the reader.

Who is this 'Aslan'? That's the question asked throughout Mark's gospel - 'Who is this Jesus?'

I often find Lent a time of rediscovery. I hope and pray that this year that will happen both for me and for you as we learn again who this Jesus is and why He is the Good News.

I'll leave you with the collect for Ash Wednesday, a beautiful prayer with which to start Lent:

Almighty and everlasting God,
you hate nothing that you have made
and forgive the sins of all those who are penitent:
create and make in us new and contrite hearts
that we, worthily lamenting our sins
and acknowledging our wretchedness,
may receive from you, the God of all mercy,
perfect remission and forgiveness;
through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever. 

Amen

© The Archbishops' Council of the Church of England, 2000-2005
All of the official Common Worship publications are available from Church House Publishing.

So we're here again, Lent starts this Wednesday 22nd February this year. Welcome back to my Lenten blog - named after the Orthodox name for this period of reflection and fasting - Bright Sadness.

I always find the liturgical calendar so helpful in orienting myself each year. Lent is a great opportunity to commit to focusing on 'things above, not on earthly things' (Colossians 3:2) for six weeks.

If you're wondering what you might do for Lent this year here are 5 ideas I've come up with:

1. Give something up

This is the traditional approach to Lent - committing to fasting. Remember that the point of fasting is to help you get closer to God. If you give something up do think of what you're going to do with the time that you would have spent doing, eating or drinking that thing and see if you can find something that will help focus you more on God. This could be one of the things I've suggested below.

I'm giving up alcohol this year again. Each year it reminds me that God is all I need and that to truly be at peace I don't need that glass of wine on getting in from a long day at work.

2. Take something up

There is a brilliant initiative called 40 Acts that encourages people to pledge to do 40 positive things in Lent. Do visit the website for inspiration and to make your pledge (making a public pledge will help you to stick to your plans):http://www.40acts.org.uk/ I know someone who's pledged, for example, to write 3 letters a week to Christians in prison around the world for their faith this Lent.

3. Read Mark's Gospel along with a huge number of people around the world using Tom Wright's Lent for Everyone book with the Big Read 2012

This is all supported by the fantastic Big Bible site in their Big Read project. I will be taking part and my blog posts this Lent will be my reflections on reading Mark this Lent (last year it was Matthew's Gospel). There are wonderful bible study resources for small groups. If you can't get to a small group you can join an online one! 

4. Listen to the whole of the New Testament

This is a fab initiative from the Bible Society. They've made the New Testament available in podcast format along with notes so that you can download them and listen to the New Testament through Lent. The title of the initiative says it all!

Why not download the series and listen to them on your commute to work or as you go to sleep at night?

5. Use Christian Aid's Count your blessings resources

Each year Christian Aid provides an excellent calendar for Lent that helps you to think of others in need around the world. Download the resources here: http://www.christianaid.org.uk/getinvolved/lent-2012/index.aspx

They also provide a weekly reflection if you want something just once a week in Lent.

Looking forward to journeying with you this Lent! 

Bryony x

I thought I had better put a final blog post up here to let people know that the Lent Blog is finished for another year. I will endeavour to use this space again for next Lent so look out for it in 2012! 

If you enjoyed the Lent blog, look out for my similar Advent blog Bryony's Advent-ure Calendar starting on 1 Dec 2011 with a new 'window' opening every day in Advent!

In the meantime there are loads of things going on online this year for the 400th Anniversary of the King James Version of the Bible. Here are some sites I would recommend to you:

http://bigbible.org.uk/ - Big Bible provided the inspiration for my Lent blog and continues to inspire me with its stories of Christians using social media creatively and other fun stuff.

http://www.youversion.com/ - brilliant free Bible app for phones, tablets etc. Read the Bible on the go in as many different translations as takes your fancy!

http://www.biblefresh.com/ - A site run by the Evangelical Alliance with loads of resources for churches to celebrate the 400th Anniversary of the King James Bible and to promote Bible literacy.

Since I don't like my blogs to be picture-free I'll leave you with a painting I saw at Exeter Cathedral this week of the resurrection:

Alleluia, Christ is Risen!

Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted.

- Matthew 28:16-17

Slipped into the final chapter of Matthew is this curious statement 'but some doubted'. Even curiouser is that this is the 11 disciples Matthew is talking about - not a big crowd (as I had first imagined this scene before reading a little more carefully!)

I checked what this might mean in some other translations. It seems another way of putting it is that 'some hesitated' or some 'held back' from fully worshipping Jesus. I guess that's what the word 'doubt' means. If you doubt a bridge can take your weight, you hold back from putting your full weight on it in one go and tentatively put one foot out, pressing it down lightly to test it.

Traditionally, Jesus leaves the disciples (ascends to heaven) 40 days after his resurrection. The 11 disciples have had 6 weeks with the risen Christ. That's hardly long enough to have worked through the crushing grief of Jesus' execution and then the ecstasy of the empty tomb and then the realisation that God's plan, as Jesus is now teaching, is nothing like they thought it would be. I know I would still be reeling.

I guess our first thought when we hear the word 'doubt' in relation to the disciples is of Thomas. Matthew doesn't name here who doubted but he says 'some' - that's definitely more than 2. I wonder if it might have included Peter? Peter has broken down and Jesus has restored him (in one of the most moving scenes in the gospels on the beach in Galilee). Once before Peter had promised "Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will." (Matthew 26:33) and he failed to keep that promise. Perhaps here on the mountain with Jesus Peter is more aware of his frailties, he's got it wrong before - perhaps he's wrong again?

Notice how Jesus makes no reference to the doubters - despite the fact that it must have been quite obvious who was holding back. Notice also that Matthew includes the statement 'but some doubted'. If he had fabricated the gospel why would he have included such a statement about the future fathers of the church?

Jesus always has room for doubters.

He heals the child of a doubting father after he honestly says "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24). And of course there's Thomas!

In this scene at the end of Matthew's gospel, Jesus is giving what many Christians call 'the great commission' to his followers - the big task to share the good news throughout the world. And he is giving it to a group of hesitant almost-believers!

Very few of us are ever 100% sure about things we do and decisions we make. It almost impossible to have that level of certainty about anything in life.

That's what brings me to share the other lesson I've learned reading Matthew's gospel this Lent. I have pointed out that a lot of Jesus' strongest words are reserved for the 'religious'. Basically people who believe they are 100% right about their faith and how to live by its law. Jesus points out how wrong they are quoting this scripture:

'The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone'

 -Psalm 118:22

Jesus wants us to be unsure - not unsure of Him but unsure of ourselves. He needs us to be aware of our inability to comprehend God, our inadequacy before him:

"But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

-Matthew 9:13

Perhaps that is why he chose no 'properly trained' men to be his disciples but uneducated fishermen.

I am reading a book by Kester Brewin at the moment. In the middle of a blank page at the front of the book are these words (brackets his): 

[I might be wrong]

What a healthy attitude to have! I'd like to try and adopt this as a motto (I can hear my family laughing now as I'm notorious for always thinking I'm right!)

In other words, don't be so sure of yourself! Be sure of God but don't put your view of God or understanding of God on the same level as the actual Truth of God - therein lies the error of the Pharisees.

You can witness this folly on both sides of the current debates between the New Atheists (like Dawkins and Hitchens) and Fundamentalist Christians. Both are too sure of their position. I wonder what Jesus would have made of their debates?

I would advocate for Christians a healthy agnosticism in our own ability to understand God along with a healthy dose of faith in the God revealed to us in scripture and by the Holy Spirit*.

I think this is where the disciples were at as they stood on that mountain. It's a good place to be.

*Post script:

Don't worry, I haven't lost my faith! I believe in God as wholeheartedly as is possible. I believe in God as much as I believe in the love of my husband. However, when we got married, neither of us were 100% sure about the commitment we were making. No one ever is - if they say they are then they're deluded. But we were both sure enough to make vows about it. We can't prove our love for each other to other people but we know it's real. It's the same for my belief in God, in Jesus' death for me and in his resurrection. I know it's real.